Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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