He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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