those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
