Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
