im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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