Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
