The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
