Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
