Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
