It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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