The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize