True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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