She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA