life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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