I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry