But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
