I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
