We won't sleep together?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
