I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nutella sex= disaster
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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