I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
