please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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