is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
