Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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