he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After tacos, we're chasing women.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
