So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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