how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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