listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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