Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
