and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
These tits shall not be calmed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
