No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
