apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
