The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
