apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
