My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
