dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
