Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
