I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
