I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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