im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
