Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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