The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ttyl tear gas
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
