just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
