So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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