I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
