the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
