imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
