so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
