I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
