the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
