Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
