I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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