hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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