flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
