in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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