I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
