NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
