You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
