Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize