my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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