i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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