Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
