So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
me + whiskey = a bad person
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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