im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
