You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
