Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
