You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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