is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
