from now on my penis is your penis
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize