I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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