Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
