Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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