Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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