My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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