i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
