I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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