i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
