dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
