He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize