i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
