Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
