I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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