I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
