Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
