I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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