I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
