A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
