the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
